Dad Jokes
Q: Why was the math book sad
A: Because it had too many problems
Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?????
A: Because he was dead!!!!!
Q: Why did the Monkey fall out of the tree?????
A: Because he was duct taped to the Koalas back!!!!!
Q: Why did the Monkey fall out of the tree?????
A: Because he was duct taped to the Koalas back!!!!!
Q: Why did the second Monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Peer Pressure
Q: Why did the fourth Monkey fall out of the tree?
A: it slipped.
Q: What do you call a guy that lives in a tree?????
A: Russell!!!!!
A farmer is sitting in the neighbourhood bar slowly getting drunk. A man comes in and asks the farmer, “Hey,why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?”
The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.”
“So what happened that is so horrible?” the man asked.
The farmer then decides to try an answer, “Well if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked it over.”
“That’s not so bad,what’s the big deal?”
The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.”
“So what happened?” the man asked again.
The farmer relenting, continued, “I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left with some rope. Then I sat down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full she took her right leg and kicked it over.”
“Again?”
The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.”
“So, what did you do then?” the man asked, intrigued.
“I took her right leg and tied it to the post on the right. I sat back down and continued to milk her, and just as I got the bucket just about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.”
“Wow, you must have been pretty upset!” but that’s no reason to just sit here getting all depressed.”
The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.”
“So then what else did you do?” the man asked again.
“Well I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. That’s when my pants fell down and my wife walked in…”
The factory foreman inspected the shipment of crystal vases leaving the plant, and approached his new packer, Mizu.
He put his arm around the Mizu’s shoulder and said,
“Well, Mizu, I see you did what I asked. Stamped the top of each box, ‘This Side Up, Handle With Care.’”
“Yes sir,” Mizu replied. “And just to make sure, I stamped it on the bottom too.”
Only because I work twice as hard as the other workers!!!!!
Q: Why did Sally fall off the swing?
A: Because she had no arms.
“Knock Knock”
“Who’s there?”
“Not Sally.”
Bawhawhawhaw
Q: What is Red and smells like Blue Paint?
A: Red Paint.
Man walks into a bar and pauses: at the other end of the bar, there’s this guy with a big orange head. Just kind of sitting there, mooning into his drink. So the man asks the bartender, “Say, what’s up with the guy with the big orange head?” And the bartender says, “It’s an interesting story. Buy him a drink and maybe he’ll tell it to you.”
So the man walks over and introduces himself and offers to buy a round. The guy with the big orange head says, “Yeah, I’ll bet you want to know the story, huh?” To which the man replies, “Sure, if you don’t mind.”
The man with the big orange head sighs and says, “You know, I’ve gone over it in my mind a million times. Basically, it’s like this: I was walking along the beach one day, when I stubbed my toe on something. I looked down, and there was an antique brass lamp. I picked it up and dusted it off a little—when all of a sudden this enormous genie pops out!
“The genie thundered, ‘You have released me from my ten-thousand year imprisonment, and I am in your debt. I will grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude.’
The man at the bar is agape. The guy with the big orange head continues: “So I said, ‘Wow, okay. Well, my first wish is to be fantastically wealthy.’
“The genie says, ‘Your wish is granted.’ And all of a sudden I have rings on my fingers and a crown on my head, and my wallet is full of money and a dozen ATM cards and the deed to a mansion in the hills—I mean, I was loaded!
“So I said, ‘Amazing! Okay, for my next wish , I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world.’
“The genie says, ‘Your wish is granted.’ And the ocean parts, and out walks this gorgeous woman in this beautiful dress, and she takes my hand and we fall in love and the genie marries us right there. It was incredible.
“The genie booms, ‘You have one wish remaining.’”
The man with the big orange head pauses and sips his beer. He says, “Now, you know, this may be where I went wrong. I wished for a big orange head.