Dad Jokes
An Australian, an Irishman an Englishman and one other man was sitting in a bar.
They stared and stared, and looked again and realised it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table.
The Irishman calls out, “Hey! You!!! Are you Jesus?”
The man looks over at him, smiles and says “yes I am”
The Irishman says to the bartender give Jesus over there a pint of Guinness from me.”
The bartender pours Jesus a Guinness and takes it over to him
Jesus looks over, raises his glass, smiles and drinks.
The Englishman then says, “How d you do Sir and would you be Jesus?”
Jesus smiles and says, “Yes, I am Jesus.”
The Englishman beckons the bartender and tells him to send over a Pint of Newcastle Brown Ale for Jesus.
This the bartender does, Jesus accepts the drink and smiles.
Then the Australian calls out, “Oi, you! g’day are you Jesus, or what?”
Jesus nods and says, “Yes, I am Jesus.”
The Australian is mighty impressed and has the bartender send over a VB for Jesus, this he accepts with pleasure.
Later Jesus approaches the three men. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of Oh my God, the arthritis is gone,” he says. “The arthritis I’ve had for years is gone. It’s a miracle!”
Jesus then shakes the hand of the Englishman, thanking him for the Newcastle Brown Ale. The Englishman’s eyes widen in shock. By Jove”, he exclaims, “The Tennis Elbow I’ve had for years is gone. It’s a Miracle!”
Jesus then approaches the Australian, who has a terrified look on his face.
The Aussie whispers.“Piss off mate, I’m on Workers Comp”
A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, “that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?”
The man replies, “all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious…Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything—- meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything.”
“Well,” says the dentist, “that’s probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It’s eaten away your upper plate. I’ll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome.” “Why chrome?” asks the patient.
To which the dentist replies, “It’s simple. Everyone knows that there’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!”
Researching crow behaviour
The facts:
I read that they recently found about 200 dead crows near Halifax, Canada and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
In doing the research, they had a Bird Pathologist examine the remains of all the crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone’s relief. However, he determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, and only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
The Province then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine the disproportionate percentages for truck versus car kills.
The Ornithological Behaviourist determined the cause, the conclusion in short order was: When crows eat road kill, they always set-up a look-out Crow in nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
His conclusion was that the lookout crow could say “Cah”, but could not say “Truck.”
this whole page: 
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You’re Welcome!!!
Researching crow behaviour
The facts:
I read that they recently found about 200 dead crows near Halifax, Canada and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
In doing the research, they had a Bird Pathologist examine the remains of all the crows, and he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone’s relief. However, he determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, and only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
The Province then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine the disproportionate percentages for truck versus car kills.
The Ornithological Behaviourist determined the cause, the conclusion in short order was: When crows eat road kill, they always set-up a look-out Crow in nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
His conclusion was that the lookout crow could say “Cah”, but could not say “Truck.”
This went down a treat at the Chill Hill dinner table tonight
A priest booked into a motel and said, “I hope the porn channel is
disabled.”
The girl behind the counter said, “No, it’s just normal porn, you sick
prick”.
Not sure if I should laugh at that one or not 
A man walked in to a bar with some asphalt on his arm. He said “Two beers please, one for me and one for the road.”
Azz: “So, you say that you won the conversion with your wife yesterday.”
Mizu: “Yes, she came crawling on her hands and knees.”
Azz: “Really? What did she say?”
Mizu: “Come out from under the bed, you coward
HAHAHA!!!
