Dad Jokes
Two priests are in a Vatican bathroom
Using the urinals.
One of them looks at the other one’s ##### and notices there’s a Nicobate patch on it.
He looks at the other priest and says, ‘I believe you’re supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your #####.’
The other one replies, ‘It’s working just fine.
I’m down to two butts a day.’
^^^^
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.
Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
What do you call a monkey in a minefield ?
A Baboom !
What do you call a monkey in a minefield ?
A Baboom !
Pullin out the real dad jokes now
A bloke walks into a bar in NEW ZEALAND and orders a shandy.
All the Kiwis sitting around the bar look up,
expecting to see another Australian visitor.
The barman says, “You ain’t from around here, are ya?”
The guy says, “No, I’m from Canada .”
The bartender says, “What do you do in Canada ?”
The guy says, “I’m a taxidermist.”
The bartender says, “A tixidermist? What the hick is a tixidermist?
Do you drive a tixi?”
“No, a taxidermist doesn’t drive a taxi.
I mount animals.”
The bartender grins and yells,
“He’s okay boys. He’s one of us.”
bahahaha^^^
Hahaha silent
During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level.
I described a typical day this way: “Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 km through some
pretty rough country terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I got sand in
my shoes, eyes and hair. I avoided standing on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I took a few leaks behind
some big trees.
The mental stress of it all left me shattered. At the end of it all I drank eight beers.
Inspired by the story, the doctor said, “You must be one hell of an outdoors man!”
“No,” I replied, “I’m just a shitty golfer”.
hahaha 
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.
The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious!
She stormed past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” She was incredibly ticked now.
The next day the same parrot again said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.”
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and warned she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn’t say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, “Hey lady.”
She paused and said,“Yes?”
The bird said, “You know.”
Good one Azz
But wait, theres more…..
It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist’s son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, “I bet I know what it is. Flowers.” “That’s right!” the boy said, “But, how did you know?” “Oh, just a wild guess,” she said. The next pupil was the sweet shop owner’s daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, “I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets.” “That’s right, but how did you know?” asked the girl. “Oh, just a wild guess,” said the teacher. The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held he package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. “Is it wine?” she asked. “No,” the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. ” Is it champagne?” she asked. “No,” the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, “I give up, what is it?” With great glee, the boy replied, “It’s a puppy!” SURPRISE!
^ my turn…
I just got sacked from my job with the Lifeline crisis centre.
A guy called Mohammed phoned and said, “My girlfriend left me so I’m lying on the railway track at Central waiting for the train to come”.
I swear, all I said was,“Remain calm and stay on the line”.
BawHawHawHaw Thats GOLD !!!!
Quick one to kick off Saturday,
The teacher asked little Peter; “If I have 5 mangoes in one hand and five mangoes in the other, what do I have?”
” Big Hands, ” said Peter.