Dad Jokes
thats a goody !!!!!
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan
desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis, only to find a little
old
Jewish man at a small stand, selling ties.
The Taliban asked, “Do you have water?”
The Jewish man replied, “I have no water. Would you like to
buy a tie? They are only $5.”
The Taliban shouted, “Idiot! I do not need an over-priced
tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!”
“OK,” said the old Jewish man, “It does not matter that you do not want
to
buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than
that.
If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will
find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom.”
Cursing, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he
staggered back, almost dead & said,
“Your damn brother won’t let me in without a tie!”
thats goood!
I got in touch with my inner self today..
That’s the last time I buy Coles’ value toilet paper..
A couple, desperate to conceive a child, went to their priest and asked him to pray for them. “I’m going on a sabbatical to Rome,” he replied, “and while I’m there, I’ll light a candle for you.”
When the priest returned three years later, he went to the couple’s house and found the wife pregnant, busily attending to two sets of twins. Elated, the priest asked her where her husband was so that he could congratulate him.
“He’s gone to Rome, to blow that candle out” came the harried reply.
HAVING A BAD DAY…....... READ THIS…...A father passing by his son’s bedroom, was astonished
to see the bed
was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an
envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed,
‘Dad.’
With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and, with
trembling hands, read the letter…
“Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid scene
with Mum and you. I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she
is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all
her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she
is so much older than I am.
But it’s not only the passion, Dad. She’s pregnant. Stacy
said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and
has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream
of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t
really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it
with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and
ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for
AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!
Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know
your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Joshua
PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jason’s house. I just
wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the
school report that’s on the kitchen table.
I bumped into Rolf Harris in the supermarket the other day. I said, “Hey, I remember seeing you doing two little boys back in the 70’s”, he replied, “Eff off, that was Jimmy Saville!!”
Another one
I saw a car parked outside Woollies with a bumper sticker that said ‘I Miss Alice Springs ‘. So I smashed the windows, stole the radio, let the tyres down & left several VB cans on the back seat with a note saying ‘hope this helps’.
Some good ones here!!!!!
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
-No eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
-Still no eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs and no genitals?
-Still no effing eye deer.
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship’s wheel on his crotch.
Bartender says “man, that’s looks uncomfortable”
Pirate says “arrgh, it’s drivin’ me nuts.”
Niceeee!!
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship’s wheel on his crotch.
Bartender says “man, that’s looks uncomfortable”
Pirate says “arrgh, it’s drivin’ me nuts.”
Baw hahahahaha
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.