Dad Jokes
A man walks into a bar and notices two pieces of beef nailed to the ceiling.
He asks the barman why they’re there.
The barman says, “It’s a competition! If you can climb up there and get those pieces of meat down, you’ll get free drinks all night!
But - if you try and fail - then you’ll have to buy a round for everyone in the pub.
Do you fancy having a go?”
The man takes a long, hard look at the ceiling, before saying, “No, I’ll just have a pint, thanks. The steaks are too high!”
Bidda Bidda BOOM 
Spaz/myself had a good dad joke at the shred. I noticed he mounted the drift to the top of his boot and I was like “oh is that how you get the footage from that low!” He goes on to say “yes that is how I get the FOOT-age” 
You fillin in for Snowdragon?????
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg was invited to a fancy dress party. He did not know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he wrote to a fancy dress company to explain his problem. He received a parcel with a note:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate’s outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate. The man was offended that the outfit emphasised his disability, so he wrote a letter of complaint. He received another parcel and note:
Dear Sir,
Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk’s habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.
The man was really incandescent with rage because the company had gone from emphasising his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he wrote a really strong letter of complaint. He received a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup. We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, let it harden, then stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.
Three Australians and three Maoris are travelling by train to a Rugby match at the World Cup in England.
At the station, the three Aussies each buy a ticket and watch as the three Maoris buy just one ticket between them.
“How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?” asks one of the Aussies.
“Watch and learn, bro,” answers one of the Maoris.
They all board the train. The Aussies take their respective seats but all three Maoris cram into a toilet and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, “Ticket please.”
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes the ticket and moves on. The Aussies see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So, after the game, they decide to go one better on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that).
When they get to the station for the return trip, the Maoris again buy a single ticket between them. To their astonishment, the Aussies don’t buy a ticket at all!!
“How are you going to travel without a ticket?” asks one perplexed Maori.
“Watch and learn, bro, ” answers an Aussie.
When they board the train the three Aussies cram into a toilet, and soon after the three Maoris cram into another nearby, and the train duly departs.
Shortly afterwards, one of the Aussies leaves the toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Maoris are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, “Ticket please.”
Choice Bro 
Great news for all of us that hate drinking our 8 glasses of water a day!
In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health
Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I’m doing it as a public service!
OK, I shall pour another glass of wine then !!! Its better for my health.
Thanks TJ
TJ, you are a gentleman and a scholar! Haha
well if we are going to talk about dad jokes just look at mizu and lough ....
I would lough if I could lough!!!!!
I would lough if I could lough!!!!!
yeah in your age you got to be very careful