All time best joke’s
Tell us all your best joke’s….. 
Chapstick- Got caught w@nking while sniffing my mate’s sister’s knickers yesterday. Wouldn’t have been so bad but she was still wearing them at the time. He went f%$king ballistic! Made the rest of her funeral very awkward for the both of us!!!!!!!
A bloke burstin for a dump, gets into the first toilet he sees and ends up usein the Ladies in a Posh Hotel! He sits down and notices 4 buttons, WW, WA, PP and ATR! Curious, he presses the WW and is gently sprayed with Warm Water, then presses WA and a blast of Warm Air dries him. Then he presses PP and a Powder Puff dusted his region leaving him smelling ultra fresh! Feeling quite pampered now, he goes for broke and he presses the ATR button! Next thing he knows, he wakes up in a hospital with a nurse telling him that the ATR button means Automatic Tampon Remover, and that his C#$K is under his pillow!!!!!!!
A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there’s a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, “Waitress, there’s a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!”
So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, “That’s disgusting!”
Then the waitress says, “You think that’s disgusting you should see him make donuts.”
What do you call a cow with no legs?
- Ground beef
An irishman caught his son snorting charlie and said.. if I find you doing that again I’ll rub your f****** nose in it
One day the sheriff sees Billy Bob walking around town with nothing on except his boots. The sheriff asks, “Billy Bob, what the hell are you doing walking around town dressed like that?”
Billy Bob replies, “Well Sheriff, me and Mary Lou was down on the farm and we started a-cuddlin’. Mary Lou said we should go in the barn and we did. Inside the barn we started a-kissing and a-cuddlin’ and things got pretty hot and heavy. Well then Mary Lou took off all her clothes and said that I should do the same.”
“Well, I took off all my clothes except my boots. Then Mary Lou lay herself on the hay and said ‘Okay Billy Bob, let’s go to town!’”
“I guess I’m the first one here.”
A women with no arms or legs is sitting on a beach crying. A guy walks up and asks her whats wrong. She says, “I’‘ve never been kissed before”. The man feels sorry for her and gives her a long kiss and starts to walk away. As he’‘s walking he hears her start crying again so he goes back and asks her what’‘s wrong now. She says, “I’‘ve never had sex before.”
The man picks her up, looks into her eyes, and tosses her in the water and yells, “You’‘re screwed now”
What do you call a cow with no legs?
- Ground beef
What do you call two guys hanging out on a window sill?
Curt ‘n Rod
I read a nice book the other day:
“Down by the Yellow River” by I. P. Freely
I started reading it after I read the book
“Brown Spots on the Wall” by Who Flung Dung
If you need a good one to read, pick up the book
“Under the Bleachers” by I. Seymour Butts…
It’s worth taking a look at, lol.
A guy named, Mizu Kuma, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from
an old farmer named Ben for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the
donkey the next day.
The next day, Ben drove up and said, “Sorry, but I have some bad news.
The donkey died.”
“Well, then, just give me the money back,” said Mizu Kuma
“Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.” Replied Ben
“OK, then. Just unload the donkey,” said Mizu Kuma.
“What ya going to do with him?” asked Ben.
“I’m going to raffle him off,” said Mizu Kuma.
“You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!” uttered Ben.
“Sure can. Watch me. I just won’t tell that he’s dead,” said Mizu Kuma.
A month later Ben met up with Mizu and asked, “What happened
with that dead donkey?”
“I raffled him off, I did. I sold 500-hunderd tickets at two dollars apiece
and made a profit of $898,” said Mizu.
“Didn’t anyone complain?” inquired Ben.
“Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.
BIDDA BIDDA BOOM
What do you call a cow with no legs?
- Ground beef
What do you call a cow with three legs?
- Lean beef
Father Murphy walked into a pub in Albion Park, and said to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?”
Warren Chapstick said, “I do Father.”
The priest said, “Then leave this pub right now!” and approached a second man. “Do you want to got to heaven?”
“Certainly, Father,” was Mizu Kuma’s reply.
“Then leave this den of Satan,” said the priest, as he walked up to Fast Eddie.
“Do you want to go to heaven?”
“No, I don’t Father,” Fast Eddie replied.
The priest looked him right in the eye, and said, “You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?”
Fast Eddie smiled, “Oh, when I die, yes, Father. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.”
What do you call a cow with no legs?
- Ground beef
What do you call a cow with three legs?- Lean beef
^ Gold
Father Murphy walked into a pub in Albion Park, and said to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?”
Warren Chapstick said, “I do Father.”
The priest said, “Then leave this pub right now!” and approached a second man. “Do you want to got to heaven?”
“Certainly, Father,” was Mizu Kuma’s reply.
“Then leave this den of Satan,” said the priest, as he walked up to Fast Eddie.
“Do you want to go to heaven?”
“No, I don’t Father,” Fast Eddie replied.
The priest looked him right in the eye, and said, “You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?”
Fast Eddie smiled, “Oh, when I die, yes, Father. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.”
Hahahaha